unautremonde | "God Bless the Ignorant"

Pairing: OB/EW, DM/other
Rating: R
Summary: Dom wants, but Dom can't have.
Disclaimer: I believe the word is fiction. As in, made up, fantasized, invented, or, you know... not true. Oh, and the song's not mine, either. It's Dayna Manning's I want.
Author's Note: That was not only my very first piece of slash, it was also my first piece of LOTR-related fiction. It was also an entry in the "I Want" contest. A big thank you and a hug to

lillifries, who once again helped me out with this. *smooch*

God Bless the Ignorant

Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from,
everything we deny, denigrate or despise
serves to defeat us in the end.

Henry V. Miller

October 1999

"Fuck!"

Dominic throws himself harshly down, enjoying the rough brush of sand against his cheek as his face hits the ground and tells him he isn't quite dead yet. He rolls over and throws a weary glance up towards the sky as blue as he feels and sits up. Then he watches... and watches again...

Waves keep rolling in and crashing a few feet from where he sits, little shadows of surfers bobbing on top of them. Dominic can hear the sweet sound of cries and excited giggles as he keeps his eyes on one of the tiny figures. He rubs his jaw pensively, wincing as he feels the scratches from his tumble in the sand.

The voice takes him by surprise as his eyes are still straining to watch the laughing boy on its surfboard. He hasn't heard Viggo approaching and it seems the older man hasn't tried to make himself heard anyway.

"Beautiful."

Dominic looks up at the shadow towering over him and shrugs. Yeah, right... whatever. He isn't even sure Viggo is referring to the skies or the raging waters, he isn't even sure he cares. Viggo plops down beside him and stares ahead, following the same bobbing shadow of a boy in the waves that Dom has been keeping his eyes on for quite a while now. And then he says it again, no question who he is talking about this time.

"Beautiful.

_ Yeah, he is."

Because there is no point in hiding anything from Viggo. Dom turns back to the waters and sighs, hugging his legs to himself, chin resting tiredly on his knees.

"That was awesome, Dommie! Did you see it?"

Elijah is bouncing up and down, excited as a bee, his surfboard forgotten on the sand a little further down from where he's joined Viggo and Dominic. Dom watches still as Elijah starts whirling around and reenacting his stunt for Viggo's benefit, or maybe even more for himself as the thrill of catching a wave this big still rushes through his veins. Dom smiles.

"And then I was on top of it, Viggo! I swear! This was like... wow!!"

Viggo laughs a warm laugh that brings an even brighter smile to Elijah's face. And then the others are there too and Dom has to stop staring, as he knows he'll become obvious soon... and maybe it's fine for Viggo to be aware, but anybody else... no. He hauls himself up to his feet and freezes when he feels the hand so light on his cheek. Big guileless blue eyes so close it takes his breath away.

"Dommie! You're hurt!"

Viggo watches, still sitting, still smiling. Orli springs forward, concern etched on his beautiful face, and Billy is there suddenly, grabbing his friend and turning him around to face him none too gently.

"What? Where? Dom, what did you do!?

_ Hey, it's just a scratch, I'm not about to die from a scratch now, am I?"

He tries hard not to shiver at the loss of contact when Elijah's hand no longer lingers on his jaw, but he can still feel him close. Too close, too fucking close... has to get out of there...

He struggles to stop himself from wincing and trains his eyes on Sean's form coming up to them from further down the beach. Distracting himself from deep stirring need and want. He shudders when Elijah withdraws and runs to Sean, screaming again about his luck at catching the mother of all waves, and Dom feels pretty sure Viggo no longer is the only one to see. Billy's watching and Billy is observant.

The ride home is silent as they're all tired and bone weary. The prospect of going back to work is also settling on their minds. As much as they enjoy it, the whole filming process, being a part of such a huge thing, it's still hard to think their day off is over. The waves will have to wait again. Dom looks out the window and remains unusually silent, but it's ok. He's not the only one. Orli and Lij are asleep, and Billy is only occasionally sending him questioning glances, being distracted by Viggo talking about pictures and skies as blue as ever. Sean just reads.

It isn't until they've reached their respective places and he is safely tucked away from everyone’s eyes and under the warm curtain of water from his shower that Dom lets himself think again.... About events come earlier in the day, about revelations made to himself, about a want he never had any intention to acknowledge. Because Dom wants, he realizes... he wants and he sure as hell can't have.

Dom can't be sure because... eh, smoke and noise and general pub atmosphere, but every time he looks up their eyes keep meeting. She's standing by the bar and she seems to be watching their table.... Just like every other fucking patron in the place. Hell, they are the hobbits and one elf... oh yeah, and one human scum. Dom chuckles as, on cue, Orli and Lij come bouncing back from the dance floor, trying to coax Viggo into joining them. Viggo declines and turns back to Billy, making his point very clear: no dancing for one brooding old man. And then Frodo and Legolas are attacking Dom again. But heck no, no dancing to some outrageously loud and distasteful pop music. They leave and Dominic is back to laughing at Billy's jokes and trying to understand Viggo's artistic diatribes.

His mind is elsewhere though, just as his eyes are, trained on Elijah's dancing body. And yeah, smoke and noise and everything else do have some good points as he keeps staring unnoticed.... almost. Girl's eyes on him again and fuck, was that Orli's hand grabbing Lij's hip and bringing him closer to that dreamlike body? Dom winces and the girl's eyes lock on his as they leave the painful image of two boys much too intimate with each other. Billy's raised eyebrow, Viggo's sympathetic gaze... fuck this, Dom needs another drink.

"Hey.

_ Hey."

She's standing next to him now, watching him from the corner of her eyes. He's surprised at her silence and the fact that yes, it seems it was he she'd been watching and not his most obvious co-stars. Curious now. He just has to ask.

"Were you watching me?"

Curious and blunt. And yeah, slightly drunk too.

"Sure.

_ Why?

_ Because."

Yes, Dom is enjoying his very articulate conversation with the strange pretty girl by his side. But specifics or rather... coherent words might be nice.

"I'm a Hobbit you know?"

Right, that'll do the trick as mature and articulate. She laughs and he revels in the sound of it. Yeah he's funny, oh boy he sure is.

"I know, that's why I'm watching.

_ Why only watching though? Why not talk?

_ And what? Ask for an autograph?

_ Dunno... that's what others do. They want Lij's autograph though mostly."

And no, that wasn't jealousy in his voice because.... It’s not the attention Lij is getting that he craves... hell no. But he wouldn't mind being a twelve-year-old girl sometimes, star struck and with the biggest crush ever. And sweet generous Lij, so quirky at times but so nice to his fans.... Girl talking again though... better focus...

"Not that I wouldn't want one, mind you.... But somehow, I don't see myself as a twelve-year-old girl much. I'd rather watch."

She's nice. Definitely not anything Orli would call gorgeous or... whatever, but she's nice. And Dom finds himself laughing again and oh yeah that feels good. He looks over to where Billy and Viggo are sitting and then his eyes wander over to where Orli and Lijah are dancing, closely, carelessly, not the slightest bit concerned it seems of what people might think. Because hey, those aren't two distinct people moving on the dance floor, no, that's an eight limbed creature, two heads, all that close and linked and.... Pain, searing white hot through Dom's chest as that bloody want awakens again, twisting his insides, insinuating itself through his alcohol fogged brain.

"They look happy, you don't."

And that's all it takes for his want to have a life of its own, because yeah, they are, and no, he isn't. He won't be until those white fingers, nails chewed short, are linked through his own, and no, he won't be happy ever because why would Elijah want him? Why would he when he could have anyone, anyone but plain old funny Dom with his not so darn good-looking face? It doesn't even matter whether Elijah is straight or gay at this point, it only matters that Dom wants and can't have, as always.

He turns back to the girl and can't take it, can't handle the look of understanding in the dark brown eyes that are mirroring his raw need for something out of his reach.

"Yeah, they like this kinda loud noise you know.... kids. I'm a bit old for this shit."

Trying to laugh at his own not funny joke because hey, yeah, kids, right, like he's not barely a few months older than Orli himself... but he feels old right now, old and not so carefree as his friends are.

"I know."

And there it is again, that strange understanding from a girl he barely knows, whose name he hasn't even cared to ask yet....

"That's why I watch. I like to watch what I can't have."

And what did she mean by that? Is she telling him she's been watching him because... probably not, he's drunk anyway, not like a girl would want to make a pass at him when he is so obviously imbibed beyond reasonable and not so subtly pining after one of his best friends.

He makes his way back to their table, clutching her phone number that she's hastily scribbled on a soiled napkin, and sure, why not, call her maybe, that'll help alleviate the pain and need someday... but not tonight, and yes, she understood even that.

Viggo watches the girl's retreating back and then looks expectantly at Dom. Billy wants to know too for sure, wants to know if there is reason to start teasing and spreading rumors. But Dom shrugs and cringes when Elijah and Orli join them and no, obviously they haven't been so unaware that they've missed his talking to the pretty thing at the bar.

"Dommie's pulling!!!! Yay!!!"

Elijah giggles much like a little boy and Dom looks flushed and embarrassed. Throbbing with obvious need too but not the kind Orli guesses either.

"Dom, mate, you should have followed her, she seemed eager enough, didn't she?

_ Am not in the mood....

_ Oooo, grumpy! Did she turn you down then?

_ I didn't ask.

_ But hey, Orli, look! Dom's got her phone number!

_ Ah! I knew someone would get lucky tonight!

_ You mean besides you?"

Oh no, Dom does not like the implication of Elijah's husky words and of his cheeky smile... not when they’re all directed solely at Orli.

"I'm going home."

Shit.... That wasn't the right move, now Billy is really looking at him like he's growing a second head. Dom is the life of the party, Dom likes to be called a slut and prove to his friends that his reputation has been rightfully earned.... Dom NEVER leaves the party before everybody is plastered... Dom must be feeling sick.

"You ok mate?

_ Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just tired I guess.

_ Oi! You better be careful you don't turn into Sean soon!"

Because right, family man... home sooner than everybody else, gone to kiss the wife and kid. Dom sighs, he wants a wife and kid right now, anything to explain his sudden urge to run home and bury himself under the covers. And oh! Torture, sweet torture as Lij's arms wrap around him and hug the breath out of him, whisper of a kiss on his flushed cheek.

"Awwwww, I'll miss you Dommie!"

And yeah, wet lips there and then nothing, Lijah gone. Orli too for that matter, rubbing and swaying together again on that damn dance floor. Viggo's hand on his arm and concern in his eyes.

"Are you really going to be ok, Dominic?"

Yes, yes he is... because really, what else could he be than ok? It’s not like his heart is being ripped out every single time his eyes catch a glimpse of clear blue skies in depthless pools of kindness, or creamy white skin being covered with makeup, or a big ass grin as another game is won on Orli's playstation.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

November 1999

"Fucking rain..."

Dom groans and Billy laughs just because. They've been trapped indoors for too long now and of course Dom isn't the worst. Viggo's gone fishing and Dominic wasn't less than harsh when he was asked to join him. Fuck, he could have been fishing out of his window really.... Dom thinks he's seen enough water to last him a lifetime. Billy and Sean want to stay inside, enjoy the day off... maybe drive through a few vineyards, maybe.... Dom thinks he'd like to do that but not right now....

Orli's even more restless than Dom is and it's off to Arrowtown with him and Lijah. It's nice too, they're all hyper and in need of some exercise and they end up running through the woods there, until Elijah suggests they play cops and robbers and for fuck's sake, aren't they a bit old for this? Apparently not.

Dom's running and trying to escape Orli's grasp, but damn the elf-boy, he's way too swift and agile for Merry. Dominic tumbles down a slope and Elijah's suddenly close and concerned, all traces of giggling hysteria gone.

"Are you ok, Dommie?"

For a dizzying moment Dominic can feel Elijah's breath on his mouth, that's how close he's leaning, but then it's gone and all there's left is the lingering need and want, Dom yearning for a kiss he's not about to ask for. Orlando pulls him to his feet and he gingerly checks himself for any injury but there's nothing, just faint scratches again... and one torn pant leg. Elijah hugs him tight and kisses him softly on the cheek and Dom shudders.

"You scared us, mate, don't do it again.

_ I won't."

And Orlando smiles and ruffles his hair before grabbing Elijah's sleeve and pulling him back towards where they've parked the car. Somehow Dom's good mood is ruined and he can't wait for that drinking trip with Billy. He needs it now, just as much as he needs Elijah's arms around him again.

Oddly, he's reminded of last month's plane trip to Queenstown and feels just as scared and shaken as he was when the plane felt like it was about to crash. His stomach is doing the same little summersaults it did then when he thought he was going to die. He's sure he's as white as a sheet by now but he doesn't care.... fleetingly wishes the plane had really crashed and he was spared the heart-wrenching need. Then he thanks God alcohol is as good a cure as any for what he's suffering from. He'll regret it for sure, but for now Billy's company, and wine... yeah, nothing could be better.

June/July 2000

Filming goes on and Dom doesn't think as much. They're not even together so often anymore and yeah, granted, that should help. It doesn't really though, so he just tries to ignore the lingering feelings of want and need that still take him by surprise whenever Lij is around. But fuck, Dom's not about to let anything more come across. He's not even depressed really, or at least he's a good enough actor that it doesn't show. He remembers telling someone about his lack of tolerance for other people's moodiness and thinks he doesn't want to be moody himself. He didn't even indulge Orli when his girlfriend left so why should he expect his friends to want to soothe his hurts and bruises? He'll nurse his broken heart on his own, thank you very much.

So yeah, he's still the life of the party and enjoys Ian McKellen's flirtation and fun stories as much as Liv's lovely cheerfulness. Nice change from an all boys fellowship. She won't stay as long as they will though of course, but it's one more person to call back home when he's feeling a bit down.

It does take him almost fully by surprise when he witnesses something he shouldn't have during their holiday in Australia. He'd suspected as much though so he has to be honest and admit it's not a complete surprise. It still cuts a deep ugly gash across his already battered heart. Orlando doesn't help when he openly misses Lijah during the trip to Thailand and yeah, Dom's a prick who can't really possibly want to know too much information about what Elijah wears in bed. Orli likes to talk and it's hard to know what's true and what's not and Dom suspects he'll never know unless he asks Elijah directly when they get back. He knows what he's seen though and yeah, Orli's very demonstrative but still.... a kiss is a kiss.

Dom thinks about the nameless girl from the pub and a hastily scribbled number on a soiled napkin. Halfway through the trip he's wishing he'd called her and yes, maybe, just maybe he will when they're back in New Zealand. It's been months but somehow he suspects she won't mind all that much.... and for once he thanks the heavens that he was never able to clean up and throw away stuff in his entire life. Yeah it'll be hell when he has to pack and move his things back to Manchester, but at least it now leaves him with an escape route from pain.

He calls her almost right away after his first day back at work, because he's seen Elijah. The boy couldn't hold back from hugging him as tightly as ever and fuck, Dom wants bad. But Dom is now more than ever aware that he really can't have and that maybe running from it is his best option. So he calls her up and goes over in the evening.

They both know what is going on, it seems, and he's not even weary when she asks about Lij and Orli. Somehow he knows that he can trust her and silences the voice in his head that calls him a fool. No, she won't tell anyone that Orlando and Elijah are kissing in dark corners and no, she won't tell anyone that it tears Dominic up. She takes his hands after putting on that predictable soft music he knew she'd need to set the mood because he's not helping. He's never really felt like the most romantic guy on earth but this is worse than anything and yeah, the music is welcome.... It’s welcome until the words make it past his fogged brain and register...

He doesn't hear the first part of the song really but something in the second verse catches his attention and awakens blinding flashes of need and want for creamy thighs and skinny arms around his frame that don't quite match the actual clutching of the girl's fleshy limbs around his body.

I want to be a star
And I want to be of age to get into the bar
...

He knows he shouldn't be thinking about anybody else but the nameless supple body underneath his at this point, except he can't help it. His ears are trained on the next words and he whimpers as the girl clutches him tighter, coaxing him into letting go, understanding too clear in her eyes, so clear and evident that it hurts. He doesn't think he's ever fucked a girl like this, with her knowing he's wishing she really was somebody else, with her encouraging him to let go and cry out someone else's name in climax. And so he does, holding his breath over the last few words of the song before shouting his release.

... I want someone to grant my wishes
And I want a boy who only kisses
I want a friend that I can care for
And I want to find a love that's not so painful...

"Elijah!"

He didn't think he could feel even worse after this but he does, and it doesn't help that she's now holding him and rocking him against her chest like he's a small child. He wishes he could stop whimpering now too but hell, he thinks he might well be beyond hurt pride and so what? He knows he won't call her again and most likely she knows it too so what could it matter really? He lets go and cries.

He leaves a little while after that, forgetting yet again to ask the girl her name but not the title to the song. It suits his mood too and he can't help but sing the chorus over and over again in his head as he makes his way back home.

... But I can't have everything I want
'Cos I can't have you
I can't have everything I want
'Cos I only want you...

August 2000

Dom is obsessed. Not that it’s anything new but still… it’s been a long time since he’s been this possessed by a song and so yeah, he needs to get his hands on it somehow. It’s not a big surprise when Elijah hears him hum it and yes he knows that song. Elijah’s a bit of a freak like that, even Sean can attest to it. Dom wonders why Elijah never considered a career in music instead of acting… could be because the boy can’t sing to save his own life though.

Dom has to laugh when he goes over to Lij’s place and looks through his CD collection. It’s grown quite a bit since the last time Dom came over and sure enough, here it is. That bloody song that’s been in Dom’s veins for days now. It’s just like Elijah too to insist on wrapping it up with last Christmas’ wrapping paper before giving it to Dom to take away with him.

And then, just like that, just like this raw need and blinding want that have been ruling Dom’s life for months, the song takes on a life of its own and yeah, he thinks he might be insane but what the heck, he’s not the only one. He still laughs at Orlando’s antics and craziness, still feels awed by Viggo’s amazing talent and still loves watching Billy be his usual playboy self. But he’s also pretty much never taking his eyes off quirky blue-eyed energy. And while he’s falling ever deeper, the words keep him company and remind him that hope surely is overrated.

But I can't have everything I want
'Cos I can't have you
I can't have everything I want
'Cos I only want you

Octobre 2000

Dom tries hard to get his head around the fact that this is almost it, that it’s been a year… They’re not done yet, of course, but it still has the very distinct taste of the end of something. He sits outside with everybody else to watch the fireworks and tries to push away any blooming nostalgia. Billy’s sitting right next to him, arm slung casually across his shoulders, lending him strength and silent support.

Viggo makes his way over and sits down with a smile…a fleeting one, before resuming his brooding stance. Viggo’s good at brooding—Dom thinks—whereas he isn’t. He’s just not good at keeping the smile off of his face and he has to thank God that’s the way he is. Because right now, if he was the brooding type, then there’s no doubt Viggo would be easily outdone. Orlando and Elijah are standing together just a little way away, all tangled up, limbs and fingers and breaths even, it seems. All out in the open now, no need to pretend it’s not happening.

The fireworks are cool, they all love fireworks, they’re all geeks at heart, Dom feels. He leaves Billy talking to PJ afterwards, making his way to the end of the garden to be alone for a bit. He doesn’t feel like being sociable much tonight, not when nostalgia threatens as much as it does. He’s not drunk either, couldn’t quite get there. Which obviously isn’t the case for Elijah: the boy is almost beyond plastered and making his way over… well, wobbling over really.

“’Sblommie!”

Lij’s voice is slurred and Dom smiles at him when he almost drops to the ground trying to sit down next to him. He wonders briefly where Orlando is and why Elijah was allowed to drink so much tonight, before he remembers that Orli might be Lij’s lover but certainly not his mum. And obviously Elijah isn’t a boy anymore either. Dom realizes how foolish it was of him to think of his friend as anything less than a man when he feels the sharp twinge of desire rush through him at Elijah’s touch. He tenses but can’t really push his friend away. So he lets Lijah drop his head on his shoulder and inhales deeply the scent of cloves and shampoo… and something else. Something he honestly doesn’t need to be thinking about. He doesn’t want to recognize Orli’s clean scent in Elijah’s hair; he really really doesn’t need it right now.

No mistaking it though, he would know that spicy perfume anywhere.

Lij is snuggling against his side and nuzzling his neck, sending chills down Dom’s spine with every brush of his lips against his skin. All totally unintentional for sure, but it’s hard to ignore the husky quality of his voice and pretend it’s not affecting him. Dom feels his senses going on overload and wishes for someone to come over and interrupt this torture quickly please. He’s so intent on keeping himself checked and under control that it takes some time before what Lijah is saying finally registers on his alcohol and desire fogged brain.

“…Love ya Dommie… Always did like ya best of all…I’m gonna miss you bad…”

It’s almost like a wet dream come true; Dom has to fight hard the urge to just grab Elijah and drag him onto his lap to be able to kiss him senseless. Something, some kind of alarm goes off inside his head though and he sits still. Of course this is no declaration of undying love and Dom just knows that he can’t possibly take advantage of Elijah’s drunken state like that, no matter what he’s rambling about. He tries to decipher what he’s hearing and make sense of it all…

“Yeah, yeah...love you too, Lij. You know you’re one of my best mates.”

Apparently, Dom got that right, because Elijah’s sighing blissfully and snuggling closer now, falling silent after a couple more mumbled words of thanks and love. Best friends…Like anybody else but Elijah could believe such a lie. Dom wants to shout: best friends don’t feel the urge to molest their buddies or rip clothes off and kiss passionately! But he doesn’t, of course. He keeps very still; trying to ignore the heat coming off of Lijah’s body snuggled so close to his it hurts… It doesn’t help him relax much when he realizes his mate has fallen asleep on his shoulder either.

So they stay there, Dom trying not to move, trying not to think too much…of the dark, of proximity and intimacy…of need and want…and Elijah sleeping in blissful innocence. And so Dom almost jumps out of his skin when he feels the tingles in his neck that tell him someone has been watching. Staring even, if he managed to feel it on his skin. He’s got a pretty good idea of who’s watching them, but he doesn’t move at all, just waits for whoever is there to come over, to say something…do something. For a while he feels very exposed, as if anyone happening by could just read his want and need and guess that he’s not just giving a helpful shoulder to a friend who’s had too much to drink and needs to sleep it off… As if it was glowing around him, making him so very obvious, especially to that one silent watcher who’s still lingering behind in the silence and darkness.

Orlando eventually makes his way over though and Dom doesn’t feel so exposed anymore, just guilty. Because he shouldn’t even be wanting something that’s not his to have and because he thinks of Orlando as his friend too and he wouldn’t want to hurt him ever. But he can’t help it, can’t help his desire and yes… even the burning jealousy that sometimes takes him by surprise when he witnesses a touch between Orli and Lij.

He’s expecting Orlando to say something, maybe crack a joke about Lij not being able to hold his alcohol, he’s even expecting him to want to wake Elijah up and carry him inside… What he really doesn’t expect though is for a very silent and subdued Orlando to come sit by his other side, very close to him, so close that he feels suddenly trapped. No escaping here.

In all the months of working with them, Dom doesn’t think he’s ever seen his two friends so silent and still and calm. Granted, Elijah is asleep so it really doesn’t count as being silent or unusually quiet… but he certainly never witnessed Orlando in this kind of mood. Dom’s gone bungee jumping with him, he’s gone surfing and pub crawling with him, he’s had countless hours of reckless fun with Orlando, but he doesn’t remember sitting down in silence like this, just watching the horizon glistening in the New Zealand twilight. He doesn’t remember sitting still with Orlando by his side, not once, not ever.

It’s not exactly that it’s getting uncomfortable because after all, they’re good enough friends that Dom would think companionable silence is possible between them. But it’s still kind of weird being trapped between two friends he loves, one of them he also wants as badly as that. And no, he doesn’t think he needs the atmosphere to become more charged but it does when the song comes on. He can’t quite believe he’s really hearing it either and were he not glued to his spot right now he might go and investigate its source. Nevertheless he can hear it. Whether it’s coming from the party—which is very unlikely because what kind of party would have this kind of song played at? —or from somewhere else down the beach, or even whether it’s only just a figment of his imagination, it still adds to the tension that’s settled between him and his silent friends.

I want to be a star
And I want to be of age to get into the bar…

They’re the same words that have been plaguing him for weeks now, and Dom wishes silently that he never heard them and gave them so much meaning. But they’re here, all around him, trying to force some sort of realization on him…

And then, Orli speaks, and Dom wishes he were still just listening to a stupid silly love song rather than to his friend’s words.

“He really does love you, you know?”

And Dom doesn’t even wonder whom Orlando means because yeah, it’s pretty obvious. So he sighs instead and thinks carefully before he answers.

“Yeah, so it seems.”

And really, why not just leave it at that? Why not just shut his big mouth and think about something else, try and bring up some other subject and forget about anything that would include Elijah and love and Orli? Except it’s never that simple, not when he can feel that Orli won’t settle for this. He brought this up after all, and Dom doesn’t quite believe Orlando would just want to state that, yes, Elijah considers him as one of his best mates. He knows there’s more and he’s giving Dom the opportunity to admit to it. And Dominic wonders… he wonders when he became so bloody obvious and how is it that everyone can bloody well read him like an open book? So he doesn’t stop at that, he doesn’t keep his mouth shut and he doesn’t pay attention to the warning bells going off in his ears.

“He’s with you, though, not me.”

And maybe, just maybe, they will really leave it at that this time. Only no. The song is still playing in the background and Dom is too aware of it to not think that Orlando can hear it too and that it can’t possibly be just some meaningless coincidence. Dom doesn’t quite believe in coincidences.

But I can't have everything I want
'Cos I can't have you
And I can't have everything I want
'Cos I can't have you

“Yes, he is. But one can’t always have what one wants.”

Dom’s insides tie themselves into more knots. It’s not because Orli has just echoed the words from that bloody stupid song, no… but Dom can feel it, he can feel something isn’t quite right… Somehow he knows, he really does. Time stands still, Dom keeps waiting for the final drop.

Yet, even though he’s prepared for it, even though he’s been expecting it, he still jumps up in surprise when Orli’s fingers curl around his. It’s a nightmare, Dom thinks. It’s a nightmare and he’s going to wake up any minute now and realize this is all some twisted guilty plot his mind has thought up for him to feel even more like shit for lusting after a friend. In a minute he’ll wake up and laugh it off, because really, this is ludicrous.

But he doesn’t wake up and he doesn’t feel like laughing at all, so instead, he just has to ask.

“But why?”

Because really, why?

“Because. Life’s not always fair, mate. And he wants me… you don’t.”

Right. So it wasn’t a dream then, and it’s already been established that he’s not even that drunk…All of a sudden, it gets a little too much. Elijah’s warm weight against his shoulder, Orlando’s callused fingers in his hand… Dom can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t see past this burning want and guilt and sadness. He’s not even able to speak anymore past the lump in his throat and he feels utterly trapped, claustrophobic even.

He doesn’t stop to think before jumping to his feet, startling poor Elijah awake. And they both blink, one with the look of a deer caught in headlights, the other with the stunned air of a kid who was having the nicest dream. Like Orli said: Life isn’t always fair.

“Dommie?”

Elijah’s voice shakes him out of his daze. He watches as his picture perfect innocent friend crawls over to his lover and snuggles into his lap. Impossibly long fingers rake through spiky hair and Lij blows out a more than blissful sigh, the loveliest of smiles gracing his angelic face; God bless the ignorant.

Orlando’s gaze locks with his one last time, shining with unspoken confessions, and Dom stumbles upon his words, rushes apologies and lies about drinks and needing to make his way to the bar. Then he flees, words flying after him, bleeding along with his pain.

I want someone to grant my wishes
And I want a boy who only kisses
I want a friend that I can care for
And I want a love that's not so painful
But I can't have everything I want
'Cos I can't have you
I can't have everything I want
'Cos I only want you

THE END